Tonight I'm equal parts exhausted and relieved that I seem to be through the worst of the side affects from round 8 of chemo. This round, rebounding from the steroids was extra hard and I had intense pain all over my body for about 48 hours. I am officially in a fight with dexamethasone (steroid) and I think we need to break up. Permanently. Forever.
Nine weeks from tonight I'll be getting ready for my last round of chemo. Nine weeks. I can do this. I don't want to do this. But I can do this.
I've developed psychological nausea in response to going to treatment and to receiving one of my drugs, which is bright red. My doctor offered me some extra meds to take on my way to chemo to keep me from feeling sick. I feel like I'm just taking pills upon pills upon pills. Pills to help with the side affects of pills to help with the side affects of pills. Ugh. Guys, I USED TO BE SO BORING! I took an antidepressant. That was it. One tiny little blue pill, minimal side affects. I want to be boring again. I miss boring.
Anyway, the purpose of this post - Milwaukee's Light the Night Walk is coming up on Thursday, October 4th. I've created a team (Kerry's Cancer Crushers!) and would LOVE for you to join me at Veteran's Park that evening. I'm so excited to be surrounded by other people who have walked or are walking this same path I am. Plus there's the added bonus of raising funds for LLS - a great organization helping patients and families in my current situation.
Click HERE (best from a computer, the mobile site isn't great) to join my team, or if you are able, make a donation. If you have troubles, shoot me a message and I'll help get you signed up.
Thursday, August 30, 2018
Monday, August 6, 2018
We're STILL Doing This
I'm more than halfway through chemo. And while I'm glad, I'm also a whiny brat who just wants to BE DONE NOW! I'm to the point that on my good weeks I don't feel like I'm sick beyond the usual fatigue. So it feels like torture having to turn myself in for another treatment every two weeks.
That's dramatic. It doesn't feel like torture. But it is unpleasant and something I definitely don't ever want to do again. Five more treatments. I can do this. I CAN, but I don't WANT to. Isn't that life, though?
I've gained a lot of weight through a delightful combination of steroids, stress eating and delicious desserts brought by caring friends. I'm not sorry - I love brownies. But with the absence of consistent workouts, the pounds are piling on. I know this is better than losing weight uncontrollably, which I was also doing in the beginning of this whole business. But now that I've gained back everything I lost and kept off a few years ago, I'm anxious to tackle it and get my body back into shape. Between that and my hair situation, I think my self-esteem is at an all-time low.
This is not a cry for compliments. Just where I'm at mentally in this illness/monstrosity. I know it will get better when I can start running/working out consistently again. I want to look back on this a year from now and be like, "yeah, took care of that business, let's do a triathlon!" But for now...this is what it is.
I found out from my labs this morning that my immune system, which has up to now been hanging on by a thread, is beginning to tank. It's expected. But it's also coinciding perfectly with my kids going back to school in 2.5 weeks. This has me very nervous, as a hospital stay is about the last thing I want (next only to ever seeing the doctor who did my second port surgery again). Hand sanitizer is the name of the game for the foreseeable future. SANITIZE EVERYTHING! ALL THE TIME! The kids love me...
So this is where I am now. Just very "eh" about everything. We survived the summer - today was my last treatment with my kids home on summer break. Five more and I'm done. It doesn't sound like a lot, but as I'm staring down the barrel of 5 days in bed/on the couch, it sounds insurmountable. I know I'll take it one day at a time like I always do, but, dang - CANCER IS ANNOYING. Chemo is annoying. Everything is annoying. The end.
That's dramatic. It doesn't feel like torture. But it is unpleasant and something I definitely don't ever want to do again. Five more treatments. I can do this. I CAN, but I don't WANT to. Isn't that life, though?
I've gained a lot of weight through a delightful combination of steroids, stress eating and delicious desserts brought by caring friends. I'm not sorry - I love brownies. But with the absence of consistent workouts, the pounds are piling on. I know this is better than losing weight uncontrollably, which I was also doing in the beginning of this whole business. But now that I've gained back everything I lost and kept off a few years ago, I'm anxious to tackle it and get my body back into shape. Between that and my hair situation, I think my self-esteem is at an all-time low.
This is not a cry for compliments. Just where I'm at mentally in this illness/monstrosity. I know it will get better when I can start running/working out consistently again. I want to look back on this a year from now and be like, "yeah, took care of that business, let's do a triathlon!" But for now...this is what it is.
I found out from my labs this morning that my immune system, which has up to now been hanging on by a thread, is beginning to tank. It's expected. But it's also coinciding perfectly with my kids going back to school in 2.5 weeks. This has me very nervous, as a hospital stay is about the last thing I want (next only to ever seeing the doctor who did my second port surgery again). Hand sanitizer is the name of the game for the foreseeable future. SANITIZE EVERYTHING! ALL THE TIME! The kids love me...
So this is where I am now. Just very "eh" about everything. We survived the summer - today was my last treatment with my kids home on summer break. Five more and I'm done. It doesn't sound like a lot, but as I'm staring down the barrel of 5 days in bed/on the couch, it sounds insurmountable. I know I'll take it one day at a time like I always do, but, dang - CANCER IS ANNOYING. Chemo is annoying. Everything is annoying. The end.
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